PNQ

I just submitted my personal narrative questions! They were...not that great. I started off with this plan to hit all of the 13 dimensions and the 6 whatever-elses in as many questions as possible, but then life happened, and I kind of gave up. There's a quality the foreign service is looking for! Ugh.

I think I chose some great experiences, but I didn't answer the questions strategically. I'm also not sure I explained the situations very clearly. I honestly just wanted to finish writing, hit submit, and have the questions be someone else's problem for a while.

Can you tell that my motivation for joining the foreign service has flagged? I think this is probably normal considering the process is so long and can seem like such a long-shot. Meanwhile, life continues all around me, and I need to focus on living it. I've become more invested in fixing up our house (it was built in 1925, so there's plenty to do), moving into a different teaching position next year, learning French, and trying hard to spend a little more time living in the present.

I also keep weighing the pros and cons of joining the service in the first place. The pros are always clear to me, but the cons come and go depending on what else is going on in my life. Lately, the biggest con is that my partner won't be able to work. That will be a big loss for us financially– maybe not in the immediate present since the service takes care of major costs like housing, but it will have a big impact on our retirement. And if I never make it into the senior foreign service one day, I'll be out and looking for a job before I'm ready to retire. That's scary.

As far as living in other countries, I'm mostly okay with that except when it comes to one thing: food. I'm big on healthy eating, and I know that a lot of my American luxuries cannot be found abroad. Even some basic items that I like to use in my cooking will be unavailable. And there are also safety issues with food in a lot of developing countries. I'm a little bit obsessive when it comes to my food, so that would be a huge adjustment. That sounds silly, but it's a big deal for me.

There are also days when I worry a lot about being gay in certain countries. I know that some countries absolutely will not allow me to bring my partner, which means we risk being separated for two years. I would be really upset if I couldn't share two years of my life with him. In many other countries, we will have to be very discreet about the nature of our relationship. I'm used to that, but I really don't like it. I also love living in a city with a very active gay community. My partner sings in a gay men's chorus, we have a lot of gay friends, there's a gay theater group, community organizations, parties, and so on. I've spent so much of my life feeling like an outsider, so it's great to feel "at home" around people like me. That's not a problem in Western Europe, but in a lot of places there is no gay community, or if there is it's very hard to tap into as a foreigner. This isn't a deal breaker, but it's a definite annoyance.

But there are also days where I'm just so bored with my life here in the States. I mean, it's okay. I don't hate it. But there's a lot of routine. My partner was going through some photos he took in Korea when we lived there, and it brought back so many memories. It felt like we were constantly MAKING MEMORIES there, whereas now I feel like we're just living our lives. There won't be much to remember, and the months and years just run together. I don't want that for my life or for our relationship.

I'm not sure what I want exactly. If someone offered me a position in the foreign service right now, I would definitely take it. But I would have some reservations. I know that's normal. I guess what I'm trying to do now is to get the rest of my life to "normal" so that I can be happy no matter the outcome.

I'm rambling. The important thing: PNQs are done, and now the long wait begins.

Fires in the Oven

October wasn't a great month for me. My grandmother, who was diagnosed with lung cancer several years ago, took a turn for the worse and passed away a few weeks ago. Luckily, I was able to drive down to San Antonio to see her during her last days and attend her funeral later in the week. It was all very sad.

My dad also has cancer; he was diagnosed last summer. His form of cancer is much more treatable than my grandmother's, but it's still been a struggle for him. He's been dealing with chemo and radiation treatments, and he's had to eat through a feeding tube. He also keeps ending up in the hospital for dehydration and low-grade fevers. His final treatment was last week, though, so hopefully he will start improving soon. I try to visit when I can-- I spent my birthday in his hospital room bonding with him and my family-- but I'm just not very close by. It's really hard to be so far away and unable to take him to his appointments or help my mom out with the workload. I feel guilty about it.

All of this cancer has had me concerned, of course, so I finally went to the doctor for a check-up. It had probably been about 10 years since my last check-up, so I was really worried something would show up. All of my blood work came back normal, but I did have a couple of moles removed from my back because they looked suspicious. I'm also supposed to have skin checks every year since I have so many odd moles. Hearing that was a bit scary. I'm just so sick of cancer already!

And as if that wasn't enough, I got a really bad case of food poisoning last week while some friends were visiting from out of town. I can't remember the last time I was that sick, and I had to miss two days of work. When I got back, someone from the admin building showed up, and we had a bit of a disagreement about how to teach newcomer ESL students. I won't go into details, but I feel like I need to find a new job next year. I love my students and my campus, but I'm not sure staying in this position long-term is what's best for me. That's been a very depressing thought, especially since I feel like I've accomplished so much this year.

I might also mention that our house's appraisal came back too low for us to refinance, which meant we lost $700 for the appraisal and a lot of time and energy. Our property taxes also increased a lot, so we owe more than we have in escrow at the moment. And there was a storm that knocked down a tree in the backyard, along with a piece of our gutter. Sometimes I wonder why we decided to be homeowners--- it's been very expensive!

It was hard to stay positive with all of these problems piling up, but eventually some good news came my way: I passed the Foreign Service Officer's Test! I'd actually taken it in Waco on my way back from my grandmother's funeral, and I wasn't sure what the outcome would be when I finished. I thought job knowledge could go either way, my bio questions weren't very good at all, and my essay was great but a bit short. The only thing I was confident about was the English expression section. Anyway, it all worked out because I passed.

I'm now working on the personal narrative questions. Or, rather, I'm now working on this blog update because I'm procrastinating. I think I have some great experiences to write about in response to the questions, but getting started is always so difficult for me. There are also two guys in my living room right now banging, hammering, and vacuuming up sawdust as they work on our new floors (no more falling through the cracks!), so I could also blame them for my inability to concentrate.

What else has been happening? I've stopped trying to keep up with The Economist, and I'm not reading any foreign service-related books at the moment (just Harry Potter #5 in Spanish). I was surprised by how little all of my studying actually helped me on the FSOT, so I feel like I should lay off a bit and enjoy life more. I managed to pass without much help from all of those books, so what good would it be to read more and more?

I started classes at the Alliance Française last Saturday. I'm really excited about improving my French, especially since I'm hoping to find a job as a French teacher next year. I need to pass an exam before May if I want to add it to my list of certifications in time to find a job, so I need to cram as much in my head as possible. I already feel fairly confident about my reading abilities, but my listening comprehension and speaking lag far, far behind. My grammar is also pretty shaky.

I'm trying to stay focused on what's in front of me right now: PNQs and learning as much French as possible before next year. There's a current opening for a Spanish/French teacher at a talented and gifted school here--- I'm not sure if it will still be open next year, but I think it's hard to find one person who can teach both of those languages in Texas, so they might not be able to fill it. I think that would be an ideal teaching position for me if I can just pass these exams. We'll see what happens. The future is a mystery at this point; all I can do is try to prepare for whatever path makes itself available to me. I'm hoping the foreign service presents itself as an option; it's looking more real than ever before.

Shit Gets Real

I'm registered to take the FSOT on October 4th (next weekend!). I had to sign up to take the test in Waco, but that's not a big deal– it's three hours round trip, and I already have plenty of audiobooks about the U.S. government queued up for the drive. I don't feel prepared for this at all, but I know I never will be. And the best way to prepare is to just take the plunge and see what this test is all about!

Work has begun to seriously affect my study time, but it's also provided a lot of excellent opportunities that will help me on the personal narrative questions and structured interview (if I ever make it that far). So far, I've organized a very successful summit meeting for ESL parents, delivered a presentation in Spanish (a huge, nerve-wracking moment for me!), presented important community resources, and done a lot of translation work (mostly in Spanish, but a little bit of French, too). I've also delivered training to my colleagues about legal compliance related to teaching ESL students while trying to keep abreast of all the changes that have taken place since summer vacation ended. Also, the principal nominated me to be on the Campus Improvement Committee, which is something I absolutely don't have time for but am still willing to try! And, of course, I work with kids from all over the world on a daily basis. I really love my job– sometimes it seems crazy to pursue anything else.

It hasn't even been a month since school started back up, and I've already accomplished so much. Obviously, that doesn't leave me much to report on the studying front. I did manage to finish Postwar: A History of Europe after 1945 yesterday, which I've been "reading" (via audiobook) since sometime in May. It was interesting, informative, and huge. I'm happy to be able to move on to something else now.

My language studies have fallen by the wayside. I was doing weekly 1-hour conversation classes on Skype with a teacher from Mexico, but I stopped a couple of weeks ago to plan the parent summit. I hope to pick them back up after the foreign service exam.

In the debate between Korean and French, I finally decided on French– mostly because there seemed to be so many instances where speaking French would have made communicating with my kids from the Congo so much easier. But then again, they seem to mostly speak Lingala, and their French is very difficult for me to understand. I think I'll continue with French simply because I've already invested a lot of time into it, and it isn't that difficult for me to pick up. Korean is my secret love; maybe I'll try jumping into it next summer.

I'm way behind on reading The Economist, and I can't say I'm completely up to date with current events. I wish I knew more about IS and the US response, but I only manage to catch snippets on the televisions at my gym. Oops.

In the midst of all of this, we adopted a dog (Oona!) and started the process of refinancing our house. And we're having our floors re-done. And I'm going to have my first doctor's appointment in about 10 years (oops again!). And a million other things, some exciting and some worrying.

Okay, I'd better get back to panicking about the upcoming test!

Summer

It's been a while since I've updated this blog, but I'm still just as determined as ever to achieve my goal.

I spent the month of July in Guatemala, taking four hours of Spanish classes a day and living with a host family. I studied hard every day, but in the end I was a bit disappointed by my progress. I think my level is too high to continue seeing noticeable gains over such a short period of time, so I'm not entirely sure the trip was worth it. I did increase my vocabulary by at least 650 words (according to my Memrise.com account), and I think I cleared up some confusion about the past subjunctive, so that's good news. I feel like my level was comparable to other people who had been living in Guatemala for more than a year, and I still feel very satisfied by my reading level. I finished another Harry Potter book while I was away, plus a short novel by Carlos Fuentes ('Instinto de Inez'), which was the first literary novel I've ever read in Spanish. This Tuesday I'm starting Skype lessons so I can continue working on my oral language skills and stop any regression from happening.

I also had fun this summer: I went to a wedding, went tubing on the Guadalupe River, and caught up with some old friends. But that's not what this blog is about!

While In Guatemala, I read a book about the foreign service, and I was influenced to change my choice of career path from consular to public diplomacy. I've always thought public diplomacy sounded interesting, but I felt like it was best suited to journalists and people who had studied public relations. Consular seemed like a better fit for someone making a career change, and consular work was also really interesting to me. After learning about cultural affairs (a subset of public diplomacy), though, I feel like there exists a job that was tailor-made for me. I have a Master's degree in humanities, with a concentration in art. I work as an ESL teacher. I've participated in and helped to facilitate exchange programs. All of these things relate to some degree to the work of a cultural affairs officer, and they're all things that I'm tremendously interested in and would love the chance to continue exploring. I've heard that entering the foreign service under public diplomacy is more competitive than the consular cone, but I also feel like I'm a better candidate for public diplomacy, so maybe it will even out.

The other area I'm working on improving right now is my job experience. Last year was my first as a public school teacher, so I spent a lot of time just trying to wrap my head around all of my responsibilities. This year, however, I have a clearer picture of what my role is and what it can be, so I'm working on expanding my job outside of my classroom. Earlier this week I gave training on the ESL program to the rest of the faculty, and I'm planning on conducting several more training sessions before the year is up. I'm also organizing a parent summit meeting that should take place in the next few weeks, and I think I'm going to have the ESL math teacher present in English while I present in Spanish. Presentations (especially in a foreign language) and increased leadership on my campus should help my application I think.

I'm still reading The Economist and slogging through my audiobook about postwar Europe. I finished reading an annotated version of the U.S. Constitution and some selected Federal Papers. I also completed my MOOC on 'The Changing Global Order' through Leiden University in The Hague, which was fantastic. It's part of a series, and the next course is on economics, but I'm not sure I'll be able to find the time to continue with my job kicking back into gear next week.

I'm in the process of registering for the October offering of the foreign service exam. I don't think I'll ever feel prepared for the exam, but I know that taking it will help give my studies more direction.

Lastly, on the language front, I'm still trying to decide whether to focus on French or Korean next. I think my Spanish is good enough to pass the language exam right now, so I'm going to just try to maintain that while working on the next language. French is useful for my job, and I've already been studying it with some success. There's also an Alliance Française here, so classes and resources are easy to come by. However, French won't gain me any points with the foreign service if I'm already using Spanish. I love Korean and have studied it a bit in the past, but there are far fewer resources and it's much more difficult. But it's also worth a huge amount of points on the register. BUT it's not very useful to me unless I pass orals and can learn it well enough to gain language points. Thus my dilemma. I like French and Korean both, but if I want to be serious about Korean, it's going to take all of my focus. I'm leaning toward Korean right now, but it's a constant struggle to know if I'm making the right decision.

Okay, so that's my quick update. I have a lot to do to prepare for the new school year, but I'm working hard to keep the foreign service in sight.

Working Hard

Now that state testing season is over and summer is just around the corner, things have calmed down a lot at work. We have a big end-of-year meeting for LPAC (the language proficiency assessment committee, which involves a lot more than the acronym would make you think), district final exams, and then nothing to do but pack up our things and go home. I signed a contract renewal, which means I've committed to coming back next year. I've never worked at a job for more than one full year, so this is kind of a big deal for me. And I'm really excited about starting fresh next year with all the things I've learned, especially if the changes to the program I've been advocating for are realized.

Less time at work has meant more time to pursue my foreign service goals. I started taking a free Coursera course called "The Changing Global Order" after realizing that my knowledge of things like the UN Security Council and other important international organizations is deficient. The course is much more challenging than I expected it to be, so I'm learning a lot. I'm also reading a few articles from the Economist each week, and I bought an introductory textbook on international relations that I plan to start this summer.

I also finished Why Nations Fail: The Origins of Power, Prosperity, and Poverty last night. It was a great read and on the suggested reading list. I immediately started Postwar: Europe after 1945 as an audiobook during my commutes, and I'm about 40% through that 1000-ish page monster. Unfortunately, I didn't manage to listen to the 30+ hours before the book was up for renewal, and two people were in line for it. I put an immediate hold on it after surrendering the files, but I'm going to have to wait a while before it's up again. I'm not sure I'll even remember where I left off at that point.

On the language front, I finished my DuoLingo French skills tree, which I'm very happy about. It took around 6 or 7 months, and my progress in French has been pretty amazing considering I haven't been using much else to learn. Someone apparently did a study that showed DuoLingo is equivalent to about two semesters of a college language course, and since I've had two-plus semesters of Spanish and two of German, I feel like I'm qualified to say that's a pretty accurate assessment. I need to dive deeper and start doing extended reading, vocabulary work, and listening exercises, but I'm not sure I'll be able to fit that in since I'm shifting my focus to Spanish right now.

I booked my tickets to Guatemala a few weeks ago, and I'll be gone for the entire month of July. In the time leading up to that date, I'm planning to advance as much as possible in grammar and vocabulary. I want my studies in Guatemala to be focused heavily on conversation, since that's the only thing I can't practice alone. I need to build myself up to a passing language score for the foreign service, and I can't do that without improving my paltry speaking skills. As a bonus, I found out that I can get a $500/year stipend for passing a Spanish language proficiency exam at my current job, which  is an added incentive to reach my goals. And being able to speak more comfortably with my Spanish speaking students' parents would also be a boon.

I think I'm headed down the right path. I've started to realize more and more how much I really want to make this foreign service dream a reality. I told my partner that I'm back in the game-- that I'm pursuing this for real again. But I'm also trying very hard to stay grounded in the present, to plan for a future where I stay here in Dallas, continuing to work as a teacher and build my home and life into something meaningful and enjoyable. At the very least, I'll have my summers off to travel and study (and this is year #1 of doing exactly that!).

Reading, Summer Plans

I finished The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World thanks to a long commute and some unexpected traffic situations, and now I'm waiting on two more audiobooks to become available at the library. The Quest was amazing; I really learned a lot about energy, and I feel like I have a deeper understanding now of just about every major conflict or political crisis of the past century. Some of the other books I've read off the foreign service reading list have given me a lot of new information without causing any major paradigm shifts, but The Quest will have a lasting impact.

So while I wait for my audiobooks (Postwar: Europe After 1945 and Why Nations Fail), I've been reading El Dador, a Spanish translation of The Giver. I teach middle school, and everyone talks about The Giver as the quintessential middle school book, so it's probably important that I read it. Luckily, the previous ESL teacher left copies in both Spanish and English, so I grabbed a Spanish copy and am now almost finished with it.

I've decided to step up my reading in Spanish after attending a seminar by Dr. Stephen Krashen, who is a language acquisition celebrity and academic. His emphasis is on "comprehensible input," and he pointed to a lot of research that suggests reading in the target language is the best way to improve vocabulary and grammar acquisition. For grammar especially, he claims reading is far superior to studying rules and doing drills. The key factor, according to Krashen, is to maximize "input," and reading is the best way to do that when you aren't able to otherwise achieve full immersion. He also suggests reading "junk" as opposed to classics of literature. He himself reads Star Trek novels in German and French. I've had a hard time finding "junk" that's interesting enough to start reading, but I did remember a series I liked when I was in middle school (when I started reading a lot of adult fiction).  It follows the life of the Egyptian pharaoh Ramses II and has been a bestseller in Europe (the author is French). I managed to find a Spanish translation online, so I'm going to start reading that once it arrives. I also plan to dive back in to Harry Potter (I finished books one and two in Spanish already) at some point. I like reading, so this prescription is easy to follow.

If only I had more time to also read through my subscription to The Economist. I managed to read all of the first issue I received, but I just can't keep up with the weekly arrivals. It's a pity because I'm thoroughly interested in most of the articles, but my life moves too quickly for that kind of reading load.

This summer is going to be my time to play catch-up. I'm going to spend June studying for the foreign service test while continuing to work on my Spanish and French. And I've changed my mind about going to Guatemala in July: our money situation isn't as bad as I thought thanks to a tax refund that will mostly pay for our new floors, so I'm definitely going. The cost for lessons is about $180/week, room and board included, and I'm only planning to go for one month, so it should be manageable. My Spanish has improved so much since I started working seriously on vocabulary development and reading, and especially since I started my job last year. I just need some intensive, focused study and a lot of speaking practice, and I should be able to make some major improvements. Four hours a day of one-on-one study will help with that.

My other summer plans include making lots of delicious pizzas from scratch and some amazing, vegetable-filled spring rolls. Maybe buying a bike and riding it around town. Tubing the Guadalupe River. And drinking cocktails on the front porch. It's going to be great!

Four Months Later...

A lot has happened in the past four months!

My partner and I are now first-time homeowners (and landlords, too!). We're also in a lot of debt, thanks to the fact that we had to borrow money for a down payment and then continue paying rent on our previous place for four months. We also have a lot of credit card debt left from our transition back to living in the United States, so our focus right now is getting back on our financial feet. Our living room is also in desperate need of new floors. We're making more money than ever before in our lives, and one day we'll be settled, but for now we're just trying to work our way to "normal."

My job continues to be a huge drain on my time, but I still like what I'm doing. My students are progressing, and I'm learning a lot as my school's ESL lead. I actually prefer the decision making, meetings, data processing, and legal compliance side of my job to the actual teaching, which is probably a good sign if I ever manage to secure a future job in the foreign service.

As for that very important goal, I backed off for a bit but am back on track and working harder than ever now. I found a great Groupon deal for a subscription to The Economist, though I'm not sure when I'll have time to actually read it. I've also managed to read A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America from the reading list, and I'm working my way through an annotated guide to the U.S. Constitution and The Quest: Energy, Security, and the Remaking of the Modern World. I also have one episode left of Civilization: The West and the Rest. The book version was on the reading list, but I'm taking a 6-hour shortcut. I'm enjoying everything so far and learning a lot (although the DVD is a bit hokey, and I don't really like the insistence on a West/"non-West" binary).

Language study is also coming along, and I think this is the area where I've made the most progress. I've been reading a lot in Spanish– the second Harry Potter book, Frida Kahlo's diary, and a book about the Zapatista movement in southern Mexico– and taking note of new vocabulary. I also finished watching Masterchef España and Masterchef Junior on RTVE.es, which helped my listening comprehension a lot.

I'm still using Spanish at work, and I've had a few new Spanish speaking students join the class (plus one Portuguese speaker from Angola), so I have some opportunities to practice speaking as well. I'm trying to limit how much Spanish I use with them because the goal is to teach them English, but for students who just arrived it's helpful to have at least one class during their school day where they can understand what's going on.

Finally, I started taking lessons via Skype through iTalki.com. I managed to spill some tea on my computer right after my first lesson finished, though, and now it's out of commission. With only one computer available in our house, I haven't made an effort to continue. I also really hate talking to people through my computer's microphone, but I know I'm going to have to get over that aversion and restart lessons soon.

In addition to Spanish, I've been working on my French a lot. I had a year of French in high school, and I love French music from the 60s, so French has always been on my to-learn list. Once I realized that French was the second most common language in my classroom among low beginner students, though, I started to take learning French more seriously. I've been working through Duolingo's French course consistently, and I'm about a month away from completing the course if I continue at my current pace. I've also been dabbling in the Assimil method, Pimsleur recordings, and Annenberg Learning's "French in Action" video series, all of which have been helpful in different ways.

My big plan for language learning was to go to Guatemala this summer and study there for two straight months. I'm more or less fluent when it comes to reading, and my listening comprehension is fairly good if I'm in a familiar context, but my speaking is really lagging, and I feel like a couple of months of immersion would help a lot in improving my Spanish. Unfortunately, the money situation right now will probably prevent me from going abroad until next year. That means I need to do what I can with my language learning from home, which means Skype lessons and language exchanges and working my way through some grammar workbooks I bought a few years ago. There's also a sizable French community here in Dallas, so I might start taking classes at the Alliance Française or at the international school's summer program. In regard to my foreign service ambitions, my primary focus needs to be Spanish, but I'm at a point with Spanish where it's difficult to make big gains, so I'd like the challenge of adding French to my skill set.

Lastly, there's the Red Cross. I was really excited about volunteering with them and feel like it would help my application to the foreign service a lot, but I just can't fit it into my schedule. You have to pick up materials at the Red Cross office by a certain time, which I just can't do because of the distance I have to drive. I'm also not sure my sleep schedule will be able to handle waking up in the middle of the night to go on call. I work 10+ hours most days, and I just can't sacrifice any more of my nightly 6 hours of sleep for a volunteer position. I need to find somewhere else to volunteer this summer, but I haven't had a lot of luck in my recent searches.

My goal is to study hard through the summer (since I won't have the distraction of work) and take the foreign service officer's test (FSOT) before the new school year starts. I'm not sure when exactly it's offered, but I don't want to start a school year without taking that first step on this long road to my dream job.